Sex and the Single Woman

WARNING: This post is about sex and celibacy. Read at your own risk*

3 years, 4 months, 13 days, 10 hours, 16 mins, 32, 33, 34, 35 (you get the point) seconds since that day! The last time I allowed myself to be tricked. Let's talk about it.I told you this blog was transparent so if you can't handle hit the X in the corner of the screen.

We don't like to talk about sex in church. We say that we shouldn't have sex outside of marriage, which is true. We know that fornication is wrong...another fact. But if you’re anything like me you like to ask questions lol. Besides the obvious reasons why we should abstain from sex outside of marriage, I wanted to share other reasons as well.


I don’t have all the answers but I will give you the top 3 reasons why I decided to become celibate:

1)     I was tired of feeling: I believe media glamorizes sex. It is on every channel, every show is prone to have a sex scene and it’s just thrown in your face. Media makes friends with benefits or a “cut buddy” something desirable as if you could give up “your parts” and go about your regularly scheduled program. The truth of the matter is, it is virtually impossible to go down that road and not become affected in some way. I know there are people who may disagree but like I said this is about me lol. So what do you mean you were tired of feeling? I was tired of feeling cheap, tricked, and just plain silly. Having sex before marriage is like going into a trap with your eyes wide open.

You know what I’m talking about! It’s the next day and you wake up like “ugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”! I’ve called myself some names too. “Jaleesa, how could you be so dumb…just stupid!” I had allowed myself to answer to my flesh and it was nobody’s fault but my own because I knew what I was doing. You knew goodness well you were not coming over to just “chill”, if you really believed that then why did you shave, call your girlfriend(s) on the way to the house, and tell your roommate not to wait up….too much? I told you I’m being honest! The truth of the matter is there were times where I planned to sin which brings me to my next point.

2)     I was tired of failing: You go to the altar, get prayer about “this situation”, feel like you can conquer it, but then it happens! After that powerful service you get that dreadful text…the one that consists of 3 letters…”WYD?” Even though you shouldn’t respond at all…you do. And then it starts “wanna chill?”. You know your answer should be no but you say, “yeah that’s cool”…you know the rest.

I had just gotten tired of failing. I was tired of letting God down. I was tired of feeling like this was something unconquered in my life. Why is it I’m so driven in everything else in my life but when it came to this it seemed impossible? The truth is because I was depending on my own strength it was impossible. Celibacy is a DAILY decision that is attainable through the power of the Holy Ghost.

3)     I was tired of forcing:  Silly girl! You thought that just because he had sex with you he was going to make it official. Bahahahahahahhaha *gasp* bahahahahahahahahaha! I’m laughing at myself (I promise). I was trying to force a whole relationship with someone who only wanted parts of me. Sex is not a prerequisite to a relationship nor will it keep a relationship. (Don’t roll your eyes…it’s the truth). My Pastor taught a lesson a while back and he said something I will never forget (paraphrasing) When he sees you does he see marriage or does he see a moment?

Soul ties are so real man! It’s just easier to live in freedom. I was tired of spending money on Plan B when Plan A should have been to stay my tail at home!

*BONUS* Because the bible says so…no brainer right? The truth of the matter is that should be enough! Just based off the fact that the bible says don’t do it.

Last thing, I love Steve Harvey! I usually agree with just about everything he says except for this one thing: The 90-day rule. I understand his logic behind it from a worldly point of view but we, the people of God, cannot adopt this way of thinking. If you don’t know what the 90-day rule is, basically Steve says wait 90 days before having sex. I want to let you know that you are so much valuable than that. If he truly wants you, he’ll wait.

I did not write this blog to make anyway feel bad about their decisions. Like I said, this is a daily decision! I wrote this in hopes that if you find yourself struggling with this then you can come out. Notice I said STRUGGLING…meaning you actually see something wrong with it. But how? Accountability (I never go anywhere without telling my roommates), Prayer (Talk to God about it), and Common Sense (That fool doesn’t even have Netflix so you not gon’ Netflix and chill….RUN!)

Hope this wasn’t too much for you, but I did give a warning lol. Have questions? Comment below or email me at, type Sex and the Single Woman in the subject line. I love you guys! See you next week!

-Coach Jaleesa