I Can Pay My Own Bills

Anyone who knows me understands that I love the Lord. You may also know that I didn't grow up in church so I have a deep love for 90's and early 2000's R&B too. Hey! No judging! Everything from Usher to Brandy, Blackstreet and Dru Hill to the sultry sounds of Toni Braxton....love them all! So I was listening to my Destiny's Child  greatest hits CD not too long ago and as I was skipping by "Say My Name" I heard the intro to "Bills, Bills, Bills". BTW, Destiny's Child is the group that starred Beyonce'...ok now that we got that out of the way.

 I listened for a while then continued to skip through (I think I was looking for "Girl") then I heard the intro to "Independent Women". "Ok J, we're glad you have an appreciation for Destiny's Child but what is your point?" I'm so glad you asked :-)

Some of the lyrics to "Bills, Bills, Bills" are:

Can you pay my bills?
Can you pay my telephone bills?
Do you pay my automo' bills?
If you did then maybe we could chill
I don't think you do
So, you and me are through

Then you have "Independent Women":
The shoes on my feet
I've bought it
The clothes I'm wearing
I've bought it
The rock I'm rockin'
'Cause I depend on me
If I wanted the watch you're wearin'
I'll buy it
The house I live in
I've bought it
The car I'm driving
I've bought it
I depend on me
(I depend on me)

(Thank you lyrics.com because I was not about to type all of that out. Admit it, you were singing along lol)

Anywho my point is while we're dancing to "Independent Women" talking about "Throw your hands up at me"...we're single. All the while on the same CD we're singing "Bills, Bills, Bills"...so do you want someone to take care of you or are you independent? Your message is conflicting, but today I will deal with the latter...the "Independent Woman". Now hear my heart and read carefully. I am not saying we are single because we have our own. To be honest, the man I desire will not be intimidated by my success but if anything proud of it because I will be a representation of him (and vice versa).

Sometimes the difficulty that my Saved, Single, and Successful Sisters face is that they can't get a man because we are too busy being a man...oops. Yes, I am educated (1 certificate, 2 completed degrees, and a PHD on the way), I am successful (boss chick status), I'm saved (sanctified, tithe paying, bible reading, serves in auxiliaries, the WORKS!) But, but, but I understand God's order and while I CAN take care of myself that doesn't mean I won't allow someone else to. Let's go a little deeper. Sometimes we are so quick to go down the list of our qualifications, that we almost sound like we are trying to convince ourselves.

"I pay my own bills, I have my own car, I got my own house, I do me" yeahhhhhh, that may be true but those degrees can't hold you at night. The truth of the matter, Saved, Single, Successful Sister, is I understand...you have high standards, you feel like your clock is ticking, and you have had your fair share of settling but please believe, we have to change up this approach...SHUCKS, even Beyonce' has Jay-Z.

Let's be honest you have probably been told your "list" (you know what I'm talking about) is unrealistic, you're a goal digger not a gold digger, you have more bridesmaids dresses than you care to admit, Waiting to Exhale is an accurate depiction of your life, and while you want to be in a committed relationship the idea of looking weak scares you.

Being submissive to YOUR SPOUSE does not make you weak, showing emotion does not make you weak...if we are honest the reason why we are guarded is because we fell for the wrong one too many times. We knew they weren't it, but they had enough on the list and because we have conquered other obstacles we figured we could mold and "conquer" him too...ok, I'm done.

I'm going to say this and close out: 1) Keep your standards, DON'T YOU DARE SETTLE 2) The man God has for you will love you, your accolades, and your successes 3)Bitter is not a good look...stop stalking his page, stop talking about his new lady, maybe you're single because you're not over him?? 4) I know you have controlled a lot of things in your life but this ain't one 'em. 5) Make sure on top of all your accomplishments and successes that your heart and attitude match....I see a lot of beautiful and successful women with bad attitudes.

Love you! See you next week. I'm loving the feedback! Either comment below or email me privately- coachjaleesa@gmail.com #SavedSingleAndSuccessful

-Coach Jaleesa