The Ugly Truth: Looks Matter

It’s FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean much to me since every day is a party lol. I intended to finish this post last week but the way my schedule was set up I couldn’t even sit still long enough to type….but without further delay!

 Before I get started I just want you to know I’m not shallow…ok thanks. Is it me or does it seem like people who are married tell single folk to not put so much emphasis on looks. Yettttt, all the while, their spouses are attractive. So it’s ok for your boo to be fine but mine gotta look like gum on a sidewalk as long as he loves the Lord?? Ok, I went too far. But seriously, I’m tired of hearing people say looks aren’t everything because they will fade…looks don’t matter…get you someone who will treat you right…blah blah blah. You know what? Looks aren’t EVERYTHING but who said we had to substitute good looks for a great personality? Is it not possible for someone to be beautiful/handsome and treat you well? I know plenty of people who fit that description (some of them are reading this right now..Heyyyyy y’all). Ok follow me real quick.

 We go to the Hibachi Buffet or Golden Corral. You put some chicken on your plate, as we continue to walk along the buffet you decide that you want bread. So then you turn around (all in my way lol) and attempt to put the chicken back. Being the foodie that I am, I ask why are you putting your chicken back?…you say “because I want bread”. Do you see how silly that sounded? YOU CAN HAVE BOTH! Picking a mate doesn’t have to be a one or the other deal. You can have someone with good looks, who loves the Lord, loves his/her mama, great communicator, a good job, and everything else that you deem as important. I don’t mean any harm but I’m not going to let someone make me feel bad for not wanting to marry someone who I’m not attracted to. Now hearrrrrr me! If you are looking for perfection your feelings may get a little hurt but if they look good to you then do you boo!

One person told me they were dating this finnnnneeeeee dude and he abused her. Let me start off by saying domestic abuse from either side is NOT OKAY for any reason! What I will also say is that man did not beat her because he was fine, he beat her because he had a heart issue that needed to be worked out.

Perception is EVERYTHING! I might call someone fine and you may tell me to get my eyes checked and that’s my business. By the way, can we just have a moment of silence and thank the good Lord for No Shave November…I promise you, beards are EVERYTHING! *bows head*……….AMEN! 

Ok, I'm back! But to come out of your face and say that looks don’t matter and that you will grow to love them *I’m giving major side eye just in case you didn’t feel it*. Now if you say that they were in the friend zone and you didn’t look at them like that at first and then one thing led to another…that’s more believable. Or if you say they were not “your type” but their personality won you over…ok cool! But looks don’t matter….at all…for real? 

So there’s this guy… His name is Antwone and he’s a friend of a friend. Your friend says, “____________________, I have this awesome guy who I think will be a great match. He has a Master’s Degree, he goes to church regularly, he treats his mother well, no kids, good credit, and not to mention he speaks 3 languages, volunteers at the homeless shelter, and takes care of abandoned dogs. You hear the Hallelujah Chorus! You can’t wait to meet Mr. Perfect! You get dressed in that outfit (you know that outfit that I’m talking about), hair perfect, face beat, and smelling like sugar, spice, and everything nice. You get to the restaurant and you see your friend and his girl. You see Mr. Perfect from behind. All you can see is his hat and his Cosby Sweater but you can dig it. He turns around to shake your hand and all of a sudden your butterflies turn into bubble guts. (Bahahahahahahahah I’m over here cracking myself up.)

 But looks don’t matter, right? They say love is blind, I didn’t know they meant in a literal sense.

 #1 If you’re honest, no matter how nice your friend says Antwone is, you probably wouldn’t have givenhim the time of day if he would have approached you on the street.

 #2 Looks aren’t everything but it is the first thing you notice. Before you know how awesome their personality is, you notice their looks and style…which in turn makes you strike conversation to see if their personality matches their good looks

 #3 I don’t have a #3 but I feel like good points are made in 3’s.

Now before you say I’m being mean and shallow. It is 100% possible to fall in love with someone who you were not attracted to initially. Since you want examples…Steve Urkel and Laura Winslow lol. Steve was smart, funny in his own way, resourceful, and worshipped the very ground that Laura walked on but yet she wasn’t checking for him. Since we’re being honest , a lot of the people who said looks don’t matter wouldn’t have given Steve a second look. What we forget is that Steve was nothing but a geeky Stephon. When you threw on a suit, took off those glasses, and got rid of that voice, the women went wild. Unfortunately, life is not a primetime TV show and I would never encourage someone to change themselves to win the affection of someone who isn’t checking for them. Let’s also remember that Myra (who was very beautiful! R.I.P Michelle Thomas) adored Steve for the very things that Laura found annoying. I may be getting a little deep but I will say this. There is someone who may find you attractive for who you are but don’t miss it chasing someone who has already made it clear they want no parts. And again I say, this is T.V and Steve got the girl lol. Don’t know how that works out in real life but let’s keep in mind that there are no 100%’s or absolutes *shrugs*.

Soooooo I went through a stage…that’s what I’m calling it, leave me alone. My hair was an awkward length (too short for pony tails but too long for anything that I felt was cute as a child Pic #1), my style was nonexistent (Pic #2), my teeth were a little uncooperative (braces in Pic #3). When I would smile or laugh I would cover my mouth like Celie from The Color Purple. I have a host of school pictures where I didn't show my teeth. I was flat as an ironing board, my feet were and still are huge, I was just in my caterpillar stage. I was picked on, called ugly, and I didn’t fit in (one of the reasons I started Before It’s Too Late). Anyway, what some people forget is that people change, they grow, they evolve. The same people who called me ugly are now in my inbox (Pic# 4) ;-) . Sidenote: These are the times when I wish I had long hair to flip #TheStruggle lol. The "ugly ducking" turned into a beautiful swan.
The same way people can get more attractive…things can also go downhill. What am I saying??

  • ·         No, you should not date strictly for looks.
  • ·         I do think someone can be attractive AND everything else you find important…stop it with they could look like Beyonce’ and treat you bad…as far as I’m concerned they could look like Freddy’s sister and treat you bad too. It's not a math equation good looks + good style= bad treatment. bad looks + bad style= great heart.
  • ·         YOU will not be everyone’s cup of tea either
  • ·         Do you feel like you are not worthy of someone with good looks because you don’t find yourself attractive or feel deserving?

Here is a message I received from one of my readers. She told me I could share with you guys…I LOVE MY READERS!!

Growing up I thought I was ugly, therefore, I intentionally pursued the least attractive boy in the classroom. Inwardly I felt that he should be glad that someone was interested in him. Consequently, I thought he'd be loyal (although we were only in 5th grade). Interestingly, I carried this mindset into my teens, college years and adulthood. Because I thought I was unattractive, I just knew no one handsome would be interested in me.

Additionally, I grew up in a house with an attractive man who physically and verbally abused his wife and children. This incredibly charming, handsome man cheated on his wife, dated his son's ex-girlfriend and believed a woman's job was to be a school teacher or housewife.

I believe witnessing and receiving that foolishness, has colored and still paints the canvas of my romantic choices. I am yet evolving. Due to insecurities, a part of me believed that I could never win the attention of a GQ gorgeous guy. A part of me only wants an "average Joe" because I don't want other woman gawking at my guy. I don't want to wonder if he's saying no to all of the advances being made in my absence.

This is my closing thought. Don’t let someone guilt you for wanting to be attracted to the person who YOU will look at for the rest of your life. I don’t care how anointed, educated, and well rounded a man is….your degrees won’t make pretty babies (I’m being petty). But in all seriousness, my prayer is that you will see yourself the way God sees you. The beautiful you that believed that you could pull anybody…the you that existed before you started measuring yourself up against what the world calls attractive. As for me, I will wait for the man who matches my fly (in the words of my little sister Shannon) and who loves my 5’11”, 240 pounds (yes I gained the weight back…being on the road is a monster), size 12/13 shoe wearing, short hair having, big nose, self. *SNAPS* and you should too.

Love you guysssss! Email me your comments at or comment below. You guys are ABSOLUTELY PHENOMENAL!